Dictionary Bengalensis

ABUL (noun/adjective, colloquial): A person with a callous mind, a silly heart, and a moronic disposition. Example: Abul Hussein, Abul Maal and other ministerial Abuls.

CORRUPT (adjective, transferred): A qualifier for the last government, always. And, never the current government. Also a quality never found by Anti-Corruption Committee in government officials or the police.

COURT of JUSTICE (noun, irrelevant): An institute standing as an enemy of the government, the parliament and the ruling party. Ideally suited for attacks from party members and police. Good for passing judgement on language, novels and other creative stuff.

DEMOCRATIC (adjective, hilarious): A quality to signify someone who hates freedom of speech, is afraid of a free and fair election, and has no clue of right to live, freedom of movement or constitutional responsibility.

ELECTRICITY (noun, impossible): A substance that can be taxed, disconnected, withdrawn, swindled and stolen, but can not be used, supplied, produced or accessed.

INTERPRETATION of the CONSTITUTION: Freedom of Speech applies to media other than TV news, talk shows, newspapers, blogs, facebook status and interviews. If you're trying to practice freedom of speech in any of the above media, you're an enemy of the state.

IRONMAN (noun, super): Anyone living in Dhaka, where the air is full of lead, the water is full of arsenic, the food is full of formalin. The two elements permanently missing are iodine and zinc.

PARTY (noun, happy): A political congregation mainly organized for entertainment purposes at the expense of the people, and is invariably very expensive.

RAMADAN: (noun, misleading) 1. Intended use: A month of fasting and prayer; 2. Real use: A month of over-eating, extra-bribe, heavy-corruption, increased intolerance and what not.

ROBUST ECONOMY (noun, imaginary): It means a condition where remittance starts drying up because of popular image as Islamists, RMG sector faces dire consequences because of non-compliance, farmers go bankrupt because of falling prices of their produces, industrial workers go hungry because of closing factories, the middle class suffers because of sky rocketing consumer prices, the share market collapse because of government backed corruption and micro-finance suffers set-backs because the government hates Grameen Bank.

RULE of LAW (noun, incogitable): A situation where the police beats up judges, the parliament asks the court to apologize, ruling party leaders plans a strategy to oversee court procedures, the constitution is amended whimsically, the people are killed, raped, beaten and robbed by law enforcers, and anti-corruption officers never finds an complaint to be true.

SPIRIT of 71 (noun/verb/adjective/joke): Something that is for the government to peddle for sympathy, use as an excuse for a million crimes, and has been taken away from the freedom fighters who doesn't appreciate government corruption. (use example: "Anyone who questions the government is destroying the spirit of 71" - PM)

SOVEREIGNTY (noun, oppressive): A property that belongs to the court, the parliament, the prime minister, the ruling party and the police. It can never belong to the people.

WAR CRIMINAL (noun, apologetic): (1) A title for murderers and rapists who could have been tried and sentenced by common law, but are being tried in an international tribunal that has been turned into a joke by the government; (2) Anyone who doesn't agree to the government.

Proverbs on His Awesomeness Nev the Dev (part 01)

Galileo's drawing of Constellation Neville (re-drawn by: Aditya)

• Neville proves newton wrong all the time. every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide the reaction.
• Neville once went to a pitch and the client lost.
• Neville once had a panic attack, the panic lost.
• HIV protects itself against Neville.
• Neville once shot a TVC, it died at the sight of him shooting.
• Neville will never have a heart attack, becuase even his own heart wouldn't dare to attack him.
• Neville doesn't have headlights on his car, because light can't travel faster than he drives. He invented the screw driver so that he doesn't have to drink and drive.
• No game is played with two balls, because no sport would dare to play Neville.
• The tagline on the Nike products that Neville buys is "please don't do it so hard". For Adidas products it's "bring hard on". For Robi it's "jole uthun neville-er shoktite". And, for airtel it is "dil jo chaye is neville". For all condom brands it is "ARE YOU KIDDDINGGGGG MEEEE???" Intel has a new tagline - "Neville inside", as well as Nokia's - "connecting people to neville" and Mountain dew - "dar ki agey neville hai".
• St. valentine celebrates the Neville's day.
• Kamasutra is just a fancy name for "Neville for dummies"
• Black men talk about neville's thing. The Jamuna bridge is breaking down because Neville doesn't like anything bigger than his. That is also why Cox's bazaar's beach isn't the eighth wonder of the world. Neville uses an apple, because he can't imagine a micro soft. Neville had a morning woody, and therefor the ozone hole. Archeologists found the medieval name for Neville in North India. it's qutb. they even have a minar to celebrate his erection. Light-saber was designed after Neville's erection.
• Durga had normal limbs before she decided to give Neville a hand job.
• Master Yoda was Neville's padawan.
• God created earth and Neville rejected the first draft. The deadline for creating the world was 9 days, so Neville told God 7. Neville wanted a breakfast, so he said "let there be light", and God said, "ji achcha". God created man, and then Neville briefed him to create woman. Neville was bored, so he briefed the serpent to fetch Eve.
• Neville stands under Pool Seerat.
• Neville is THE exception that proves the rule. Neville doesn't go by the rules, he just rules.
• Definition of a nun: someone neville refused to have sex with.
• Virgin Mary never met Neville.
• Neville once questioned his own sexuality and men had an ass crack.
• All the continents were together before Neville reached puberty.
• Darth Vader never existed. It was actually Neville wearing the black suit when he felt like playing god in his early adolescent days.
• Neville punished Superman to wear his underwear over his pants for the rest of his life as he once tried to give Neville a wedgy.
• Hendrix once Thought about being a better guitarist than Neville. He asphyxiated on his own vomit. Beethoven made himself deaf in shame after jamming with Neville.
• Neville does not like to brag which is why scientists have to come up with alternative explanations for the global population. Neville does not like to brag, which is why scientists hide the true big bang theory. Consensus among the scientific community is that Pabna is the birthplace of sex.
• Global warming happened because Neville is so hot. Global warming happened because neville went without sex for seventeen minutes.
• Dinosaurs had an argument with Neville. the rest is his story. Einstein tried to argue with Neville, relativity lost.
• There is no evolution. there are only creatures Neville decided not to fire. Pluto didn't get a permanent position as a planet because Neville didn't like its work.
• Neville does not breathe, he hates consuming anything that is not branded. Neville doesn't breath, because he has delegated it to an account manager.
• Neville is Victoria's Secret. Neville IS the four horsemen of apocalypse.
• Advertising began when neville first took off his pants. ATL communication began when he unzipped, BTL began when he took the pants off, and TTL began when he took it out.
• Neville once went to a land for a quicky. The land is now called Indo-China. Neville once had a premature ejaculation, and Pompeii was lost forever. Neville died once and was buried. Mt. Everest came up.
• Samuel l. Jackson actually plays Neville in all his movies or else he would have gained weight a long time ago. Neville doesn't act regularly because he finds the Oscar statuette gay.
• Hefner got married because Neville is here now. Hefner keeps marrying because Neville is still around. Hugh hefner neville er bharatiya.
• Fuck'ushima had an earthquake because Neville fancied japanese women for 7 minutes.
• The Bangladeshi education system went with the GPA formula because no can stand once Neville does.
• Reality didn't exist before Neville said "oh! really?" When Godard wanted to make a movie Neville said, "Oh REALLY?!"
• Neville doesn't brief, he likes them bare.
• Tomorrow never dies, because it has an appointment with Neville to attend to first.
• Rome was built in a day because Neville set the deadline.
• Awami League isn't a party, because Neville didn't host it.
• Neville discovered America, twice.
• What do you have when neville is done with his morning ritual? The Yellow Submarine.
• Neville doesn't go to a gym. he waits at the bar while the gym comes to him.
• Neville can't pronounce we, because I is good enough for him.
• Neville invented the language English to amuse himself with different pronunciations.
• Neville made the earth round to turn him on.

Produced by: Iresh, Aditya, Emran and Sharmin

Leaves and berries that can kill

Did you ever wonder how we know what tastes like what, what is nourishing and what can killed if you eat it?
It could only be possible if someone or a number of someones tried them. A lot many people must have died munching on to unknown leaves and berries.
The mind of the child works the same way. The world is all unexplored territory, mapped very poorly by elders and the society. A child often have only one way to learn the world, by exploring it first hand, often with very little frame of reference to take cues from. That means a lot of unknown leaves and berries, some of which are not just unpleasant, they can kill.
It happens in large quantities when your brain develops, from conception to 6 years of age. And it happens again when your body catches up, when are in your teens.
All of us have a slighty different vantage points when looking at the world - not every toddler finds a hot iron, not every prescooler meets a boxful of pills and potions, and not evey teen has a drug peddler in the neighbourhood. And it is unlikely that elders or the society has the same leaves and berries to help us with.
Learning is often a solitary exploration for younger children. For teenagers, it is group learning and peer learning, essentially a process of learnig from other explorers of the unknown like them.

When will the War begin?

Sweden has reintrduced conscription. African American older women are joining gun clubs. Iran and North Korea have tested new missiles, while South Korea has a new missile system. Kurds are militarily organized. Russia has occupied parts of Ukraine. India and Pakistan are at war again. The whole of Arab world and the Sahel is unstable.
 US is expanding forces. China bought submarines and built military structures in Spratleys. Jews are being attacked in the US. France, Belgium and Germany are facing terrorism. A NATO member, Turkey, has an Islamist government who is courting Russia and fighting the Kurds in the name fighting ISIS. Many states/ countries don't have any real government - Somalia, Libiya, Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, Mali, Mauritania, South Sudan, Nigeria and Yemen.

When will the war begin?

Learn to speak bullshit in the corporate dialect

Corporate leadership can compete closely with literary criticism on the amount of meaningless crap we use everyday to run our business and our careers

Every meeting is a practice pad for budding poets of buzzwords, everyone trying to prove they know more corporate gibberish than the rest.

And, then there are those brand books - keys, onions, wheels, lanterns, butterflies... and what not.

I wonder how the corporate bodies can still function. But I don't wonder about the reasons behind brands not functioning.

Original Image Here

Reasons to work in advertising

Does it really work?

I started the morning with a rather sad realisation.

I was watching shampoo commercials. I do that a lot because I handled a lot of hair care brands. I try to steal ideas get inspiration and insights.

But the commercials were all similar, full of the same visual semantics.

Visual cues like lush hair in movement, water splashing, clean scalps, great casual hair styling, running of finger through hair, wind through hair, quick head movement to make the hair move, now increasingly girls in casual dresses and so on dominated the content. The formats were: (a) story, CG, product shot; or (b) endorsement, CG, product shot... or a variation of the two. There were celebrities, common woman, and experts endorsing the brands or the product variant.

There were a great many of them, and all were trying to spend as much they can.

I only get the local feeds that carry either Bangladeshi or East Indian commercials. So I turn to the web to look at other markets.

No ideas to steal from, nothing to inspire.

Does this really work?