Proverbs on His Awesomeness Nev the Dev (part 01)

Galileo's drawing of Constellation Neville (re-drawn by: Aditya)

• Neville proves newton wrong all the time. every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide the reaction.
• Neville once went to a pitch and the client lost.
• Neville once had a panic attack, the panic lost.
• HIV protects itself against Neville.
• Neville once shot a TVC, it died at the sight of him shooting.
• Neville will never have a heart attack, becuase even his own heart wouldn't dare to attack him.
• Neville doesn't have headlights on his car, because light can't travel faster than he drives. He invented the screw driver so that he doesn't have to drink and drive.
• No game is played with two balls, because no sport would dare to play Neville.
• The tagline on the Nike products that Neville buys is "please don't do it so hard". For Adidas products it's "bring hard on". For Robi it's "jole uthun neville-er shoktite". And, for airtel it is "dil jo chaye is neville". For all condom brands it is "ARE YOU KIDDDINGGGGG MEEEE???" Intel has a new tagline - "Neville inside", as well as Nokia's - "connecting people to neville" and Mountain dew - "dar ki agey neville hai".
• St. valentine celebrates the Neville's day.
• Kamasutra is just a fancy name for "Neville for dummies"
• Black men talk about neville's thing. The Jamuna bridge is breaking down because Neville doesn't like anything bigger than his. That is also why Cox's bazaar's beach isn't the eighth wonder of the world. Neville uses an apple, because he can't imagine a micro soft. Neville had a morning woody, and therefor the ozone hole. Archeologists found the medieval name for Neville in North India. it's qutb. they even have a minar to celebrate his erection. Light-saber was designed after Neville's erection.
• Durga had normal limbs before she decided to give Neville a hand job.
• Master Yoda was Neville's padawan.
• God created earth and Neville rejected the first draft. The deadline for creating the world was 9 days, so Neville told God 7. Neville wanted a breakfast, so he said "let there be light", and God said, "ji achcha". God created man, and then Neville briefed him to create woman. Neville was bored, so he briefed the serpent to fetch Eve.
• Neville stands under Pool Seerat.
• Neville is THE exception that proves the rule. Neville doesn't go by the rules, he just rules.
• Definition of a nun: someone neville refused to have sex with.
• Virgin Mary never met Neville.
• Neville once questioned his own sexuality and men had an ass crack.
• All the continents were together before Neville reached puberty.
• Darth Vader never existed. It was actually Neville wearing the black suit when he felt like playing god in his early adolescent days.
• Neville punished Superman to wear his underwear over his pants for the rest of his life as he once tried to give Neville a wedgy.
• Hendrix once Thought about being a better guitarist than Neville. He asphyxiated on his own vomit. Beethoven made himself deaf in shame after jamming with Neville.
• Neville does not like to brag which is why scientists have to come up with alternative explanations for the global population. Neville does not like to brag, which is why scientists hide the true big bang theory. Consensus among the scientific community is that Pabna is the birthplace of sex.
• Global warming happened because Neville is so hot. Global warming happened because neville went without sex for seventeen minutes.
• Dinosaurs had an argument with Neville. the rest is his story. Einstein tried to argue with Neville, relativity lost.
• There is no evolution. there are only creatures Neville decided not to fire. Pluto didn't get a permanent position as a planet because Neville didn't like its work.
• Neville does not breathe, he hates consuming anything that is not branded. Neville doesn't breath, because he has delegated it to an account manager.
• Neville is Victoria's Secret. Neville IS the four horsemen of apocalypse.
• Advertising began when neville first took off his pants. ATL communication began when he unzipped, BTL began when he took the pants off, and TTL began when he took it out.
• Neville once went to a land for a quicky. The land is now called Indo-China. Neville once had a premature ejaculation, and Pompeii was lost forever. Neville died once and was buried. Mt. Everest came up.
• Samuel l. Jackson actually plays Neville in all his movies or else he would have gained weight a long time ago. Neville doesn't act regularly because he finds the Oscar statuette gay.
• Hefner got married because Neville is here now. Hefner keeps marrying because Neville is still around. Hugh hefner neville er bharatiya.
• Fuck'ushima had an earthquake because Neville fancied japanese women for 7 minutes.
• The Bangladeshi education system went with the GPA formula because no can stand once Neville does.
• Reality didn't exist before Neville said "oh! really?" When Godard wanted to make a movie Neville said, "Oh REALLY?!"
• Neville doesn't brief, he likes them bare.
• Tomorrow never dies, because it has an appointment with Neville to attend to first.
• Rome was built in a day because Neville set the deadline.
• Awami League isn't a party, because Neville didn't host it.
• Neville discovered America, twice.
• What do you have when neville is done with his morning ritual? The Yellow Submarine.
• Neville doesn't go to a gym. he waits at the bar while the gym comes to him.
• Neville can't pronounce we, because I is good enough for him.
• Neville invented the language English to amuse himself with different pronunciations.
• Neville made the earth round to turn him on.

Produced by: Iresh, Aditya, Emran and Sharmin

Leaves and berries that can kill

Did you ever wonder how we know what tastes like what, what is nourishing and what can killed if you eat it?
It could only be possible if someone or a number of someones tried them. A lot many people must have died munching on to unknown leaves and berries.
The mind of the child works the same way. The world is all unexplored territory, mapped very poorly by elders and the society. A child often have only one way to learn the world, by exploring it first hand, often with very little frame of reference to take cues from. That means a lot of unknown leaves and berries, some of which are not just unpleasant, they can kill.
It happens in large quantities when your brain develops, from conception to 6 years of age. And it happens again when your body catches up, when are in your teens.
All of us have a slighty different vantage points when looking at the world - not every toddler finds a hot iron, not every prescooler meets a boxful of pills and potions, and not evey teen has a drug peddler in the neighbourhood. And it is unlikely that elders or the society has the same leaves and berries to help us with.
Learning is often a solitary exploration for younger children. For teenagers, it is group learning and peer learning, essentially a process of learnig from other explorers of the unknown like them.

When will the War begin?

Sweden has reintrduced conscription. African American older women are joining gun clubs. Iran and North Korea have tested new missiles, while South Korea has a new missile system. Kurds are militarily organized. Russia has occupied parts of Ukraine. India and Pakistan are at war again. The whole of Arab world and the Sahel is unstable.
 US is expanding forces. China bought submarines and built military structures in Spratleys. Jews are being attacked in the US. France, Belgium and Germany are facing terrorism. A NATO member, Turkey, has an Islamist government who is courting Russia and fighting the Kurds in the name fighting ISIS. Many states/ countries don't have any real government - Somalia, Libiya, Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, Mali, Mauritania, South Sudan, Nigeria and Yemen.

When will the war begin?

Learn to speak bullshit in the corporate dialect

Corporate leadership can compete closely with literary criticism on the amount of meaningless crap we use everyday to run our business and our careers

Every meeting is a practice pad for budding poets of buzzwords, everyone trying to prove they know more corporate gibberish than the rest.

And, then there are those brand books - keys, onions, wheels, lanterns, butterflies... and what not.

I wonder how the corporate bodies can still function. But I don't wonder about the reasons behind brands not functioning.

Original Image Here

Reasons to work in advertising

Does it really work?

I started the morning with a rather sad realisation.

I was watching shampoo commercials. I do that a lot because I handled a lot of hair care brands. I try to steal ideas get inspiration and insights.

But the commercials were all similar, full of the same visual semantics.

Visual cues like lush hair in movement, water splashing, clean scalps, great casual hair styling, running of finger through hair, wind through hair, quick head movement to make the hair move, now increasingly girls in casual dresses and so on dominated the content. The formats were: (a) story, CG, product shot; or (b) endorsement, CG, product shot... or a variation of the two. There were celebrities, common woman, and experts endorsing the brands or the product variant.

There were a great many of them, and all were trying to spend as much they can.

I only get the local feeds that carry either Bangladeshi or East Indian commercials. So I turn to the web to look at other markets.

No ideas to steal from, nothing to inspire.

Does this really work?

Ban those vision and mission statements

So many companies have written down missions and visions that you would actually take them to be important.

Sorry to break the bad news - they are not, There are three types of companies that write mission & vision statements:

• Companies that have enough inactive people who can pretend to work by devising missions and visions, and pass time by the deliberations.
• Companies that have enough people with so much rote-learning that they can't help following every step in the book, even though they have no clue of the steps.
• Companies that love their brand structures; the more esoteric, confusing and complex the better.

Seriously, when was the last time someone saw a mission or vision statement to come to any use, apart from wasting a couple of slides of a presentation or a few pages of a booklet?

Naturally, almost all mission and vision statements show the following characteristics:

• They contain boastful words and puffed-up, flowery language.
• They contain vague unsubstantiated claims such as - "We are the industry leaders with a commitment to <insert industry here> excellence."
• They focus on the speculation about the future of the company: becoming the industry leader, or the top producer, or the most reliable manufacturer.
• They are promotional in both tone and purpose.

There is a lot of talk that says a vision and a mission is the guide to a companies policies and strategy. All bull. Go through a significant number of those visions and missions, and you will learn one thing for sure - nobody knows which is a vision and which is a missions.

There are plenty conjectures on what constitutes a vision and what is a mission statement. And, not surprisingly they never agree to each other. The summary? They are all equally meaningless.

Vision and mission statement mean nothing. They are just fancy slogans that supposedly gets the employees excited. Really! Have you ever met ANY employee of ANY company who was inspired by the company vision or mission statement.